God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
