You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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