White coat. Heels.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
