and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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