Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
