what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
