i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
