I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
