I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we're so committed to being not committed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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