i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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