is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
