You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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