All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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