I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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