im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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