Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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