I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
