when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
