And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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