Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I want a musical about memes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
