i don't like sucking hair
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
