how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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