haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
