I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
