apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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