she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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