so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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