i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
