Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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