So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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