Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
