Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
