I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
