A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
