so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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