Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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