hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
