I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
