the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
