I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
