We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
