I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
