Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
