the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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