just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
