I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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