It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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