Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize