Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
