By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
two words: eviction party
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We left an ass print on the piano.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize