You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
