no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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