Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
