I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
