the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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