I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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