it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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