masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
