I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
