why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
should my penis look like a turkey
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
