I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
