Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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