Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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