I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
