At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
