he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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