I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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