yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pray to the hookup gods
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
