just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
