i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
