If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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