i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
