dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
