every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
