I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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