So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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