After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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