i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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