i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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