Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
